Here's a quick run through of the Bond Themes from start to finish. No first Casino Royale and no Never Say Never Again (which was just a Thunderball remake after all). Each entry has my Memorable Movie Moment (MMM)
Just the old familiar Bond theme by John Barry for this one. Absolutely classic and perfect for the subject matter. I remember reading or hearing once that it was based on a traditional Indian musical theme. It's obviously featured in every movie since.
MMM: The tarantula in the bed. Ever since I saw it as a kid I checked beneath the sheets before I got in. God knows who I thought would want to assassinate me in such an ostentatious way. In the book it's a poisonous centipede, so you can understand why they changed it.
Sung by Matt Munro. Very smooth and a song built entirely around the film title (I suppose they all are to a greater or lesser extent). Sets the idea of getting the artist du jour to do the feme-toon. Not sure how big Munro was at the time but he certainly fits the period.
MMM: The gadgety briefcase that had to be opened in a certain way or it would blow up. That certainly set a trend.
The first entry by Shirley Bassey. The Bond theme is neatly woven into the tune. She delivers it with typical conviction. Love the way that Goldfinger is rhymed with 'Cold finger' - didn't put a lot of effort into that did they?
MMM: Too many to pick. I'd go for the Golf match, the Aston Martin and "No Mr Bond, I expect you to die" as standouts.
Tom Jones gets in an early Rob-Brydon-impression style huff. He does his usual overblown job. The brass interludes are preceded by a kind of drum paradidle Bond theme is included of course and it ends with a blast of brass.
MMM: Underwater battles between opposing sets of goodie and baddie divers
Nancy Sinatra this time. Robbie nicked it for 'Millenium'. Pleasant, smooth but not a classic I'd say
MMM: Dodgy oriental make-up job on Connery. Bordering on racist
In comes Lazenby. It's fashionable these days to say that this is the great overlooked Bond movie, so much so that it is probably the most talked about. The song is Louis Armstrong's 'We Have All The Time In the World', so it certainly rates in terms of song quality.
MMM: Bond finds a woman he wants to settle down with (daughter of a Corsican mafioso - in the book at least - not sure that would really play well with his Whitehall masters) who promptly gets bumped off by Blofeld right at the end. Bleak.
Connery's back. Shirl's back. The Broccoli's clearly felt they had to go back to what they knew worked.I like the little halts that happen in this one, followed by the tune being taken up again by a throaty bass guitar. In the book Fleming goes on about the American gangsters (the Spangled Mob) but you get the impression he didn't bother with a lot of research.
MMM: Cluster of diamonds cunningly hidden in a fake golf ball.
Many people's favourite theme and very nearly the only decent thing McCartney has done since he left the Beatles. The Bond-ish elements (strident brass etc) are all there and the changes of pace are unusual.
MMM: Oh God I don't know. It's not actually all that memorable, I didn't like Moore much. Probably tricking Solitaire with a tarot pack which only contains 'The Lovers'. The slimy cad.
Anyone? It's ....Lulu. Was she that big at the time? (I suppose I'll say the same about Sheena Easton later). You can guess what it's like, lots of 70's stylings and she shouts it.
MMM: Christopher Lee's third nipple
I reckon this could be my favourite theme tune. Carly Simon actually manages to do something different with the brief with 'Nobody Does It Better'.
MMM: Underwater Lotus of course.
Burley Chassis is back again. A much more considered composition this, doesn't really make much use of Shirley's main asset, which is the BIG VOICE. She has her moments, but she always sounds as of she's holding back even then
MMM: Jaws turns from the dark side with his new found love and helps Bond escape.
Seems to have been written with the sole purpose of being a backing track to silhouettes of naked women writhing their way through the opening credits. It's dull and she doesn't sing it particularly well. Shows what Esther Rantzen knows about spotting musical talent. Prince liked her though, maybe she got better.
MMM: Really struggling here. Topol from Fiddler On The Roof was in it as an Israeli agent and they had to get up a massive cliff to the villain's lair. That's about all I remember.
I don't expect anyone to know who did this. It was Rita Coolidge with 'All Time High'. Store that away for future quiz night. It's a good song but not that Bond-ish. She's 100 times a better singer than Gorbals Sheena
MMM: Roger Moore running along the top of a train in a circus performer's outfit. Cirque du Soleil it was not.
This is more like it. Duran Duran running up the Eiffel Tower with Simon Le Bon setting off bombs or something with one of those new-fangled Walkman thingys. The song, like all their material, is utter bollocks but it is done with panache and plenty of jarring musical interjections. Le Bon definitely falls into the category of 'rotten singer' and he's got worse over the years, but this theme outperforms the movie completely
MMM: Really don't have one. Moore getting just too old to be convincing.
A-Ha do a decent job, Harket's delivery is good. It captures the flavour of Bond well and ushers in the new era of Dalton. This was never his best work, which for my money is when he chews the scenery more than most in Hot Fuzz.
MMM: Sliding to freedom in a cello case and the very pronounced use of the phrase "the living daylights"
Gladys Knight sans Pips. Notable for her tendency to pronounce 'Kill' as 'Kilt' - or maybe it's a quirk of the production. The brassy bondisms are to the fore. Dalton was on his way out already
MMM: Not sure. Both Daltons tend to blend into one for me. Was this the one where the opening sequence has him on some kind of training exercise with another double-0 agent?
Brosnan at last. I'm sure he had been mooted for the role for about 10 years previously, ever since he turned up in Remington Steel. Tina Turner sings it and sings it well. Customary brass stabs are present and correct. Interesting fact for you, the video game (which I have) has the theme tune sung by Nicole Scherzinger. You may be surprised to learn that she adds nothing to it. Favourite lyric has to be "Goldeneye, not lace or leather". Huh?
MMM: Brosnan in a tank.
Sheryl Crowe sang it. She seems to be straining at it and is a bit flat I'd say, but there are some good lyrics "it's no fun, Martini's, girls and guns" - many might beg to differ.
MMM: Robbie Coltrane as a Russian semi-good guy
Garbage. No, I mean the band is Garbage. The song's OK. Nothing special. Bit like the movie really. Apparently it is the Bond family motto. Brosnan was looking a bit tired in the role by now.
MMM: Goldie turns up as a character called Bullion. They obviously didn't want to put him outside his comfort zone.
Oh dear. Here comes Madge. It's all very modern with lots of electronic beepy stuff. She was in it too and put in a typical (i.e. poor) performance as a fencing instructor. It's not bad but it's not really a bond theme.
MMM: Invisible cars in ice palaces - just going too far, which is saying something for Bond
Chris Cornell of Soundgarden ups the ante as Bond goes post-Bourne and Daniel Craig gets beaten up and beats others up to about the same degree. I like this one. It really drives along and has good tough lyrics "Arm yourself because no-one else will save you", "are you willing to die?" A proper bloke's Bond theme, which is as it should be. I thought the movie itself was a bit meh, but I've only seen it once.
MMM: Craig carries two whisky tumblers with his fingers inside them
Craig nearly went off the rails at the first hurdle. The movie is a mess. Theme tune was Jack White and Alicia Keys 'Another Way To Die' It's another modern one and actually, it's rubbish and if were you, I'd check out these alternative efforts by Adam Buxton and Joe Cornish
MMM: Craig walks through the desert carrying a big gun.
My attitude to Adele is documented elsewhere on this site. A bit overrated I think, (I get a bit fed up with her "I'm just a normal gel, me" schtick) but this is OK. She couples 'Skyfall' with 'Crumble' which is a C+ in rhyming at best. The original Bond theme is just about there. The movie is, of course, the best in ages, mainly due to Javier Bardem's delicious turn as the villain.
MMM: The Aston Martin is trashed outside Skyfall, possibly the saddest moment in movie history.
Sam Smith. As far as I'm concerned it's a brewery. It sounds like a Bond theme, no doubt. I'm not sure Smith manages to tread the fine line between falsetto and squeaking. And is he really currently one of the top artists in the world? Surely Beyonce should be given a punt?
MMM: Dunno. Haven't seen it yet but watch this space later this week. Almost certainly will involve Christoph Waltz.
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